You are a big boy now, reading big books, thinking big thoughts, and asking big questions. These years are very important since you go from being a big boy to being a man. That comes with a lot of troubling changes. I used to hate it when I was your age and people would tell me oh how you have grown, what a big boy you have become. You start seeing yourself and your place in the scheme of things differently, and realize that school and studies, picnics and festivals, pride and prejudice are not what real life is made of. Like a wart that will not go away, they are part of life, and you will be gasping for the air that you know is out there, the air of being an adult, free to do what you want. Being treated like the big boy you are will sometimes feel suffocating. You will sometimes wonder how anyone can survive the hypocrisy of society. You will want to change everything, save the world, put sense into the heads of everyone. All of us have had to go through this time of coming to terms with the way things work. Growing up can be full of surprises, surprises that you don't see coming, sometimes surprises that you don't see till you are past them.
I have never been very fond of surprises, and usually get very uncomfortable even with the nicest of surprises. Life has its own courier service to deliver the packages we need the most. Even when you are not ready for a package, it is assuring to remember that life knows us better than we do our selves. At home, we keep reminding ourselves how fortunate we are to be at the mercy of the law of cause and effect. If we had a say in things, or if we were in charge, we can only imagine how big a mess life would have been.
When we get to unwrap the package, sometimes, we do not like what we see. Some of us experience anger and bitterness, while others view it as fate or destiny or a curse by the powers that be. Some others believe that we actually choose our packages, living out promises made in unfathomably distant past, many incarnations ago. What we choose to believe too is not always in our control. Sometimes, our choices are dictated by our environment, other times by the degree of pain the different choices promise. I cannot imagine what you might have chosen to believe to process my absence in your life, but it must have cost you a package. Or three.